What do you think would happen if we — the abused and abusers — all leaned into our subjectivities? I think we might find our histories colliding.

I find a lot of grief in relation to how thoroughly subjectivity is devalued in our society during this time of human history. We are human subjects, not human objects, which means that we are therefore based in subjectivity, not objectivity. I thus think we might get more out of saying something like “Yes, abuse is a subjective experience — what’s wrong with that?” than trying to argue for the objectivity of abuse. It makes me sad to see how “subjective” is equated with craziness, falsehood, and illegitimacy when in reality we are all subjective beings who are hurt whenever our subjectivities are disrespected. Our subjectivities (e.g., feelings, lived experiences, narratives, etc.) matter because they constitute who we are, which is part of what makes me excited about the #MeToo movement. We owe it to ourselves to respect and affirm our subjectivities because the patriarchy depends on our suppression of them.

Thank you for this article and your work in general. We are on the same page; I offer this alternative framing with the intent to further empower those who have been hurt by the abusive behaviors of others. Keep up the good work!