Thanks so much for this thoughtful and thought-provoking response, Laurel! I agree with you — this situation was definitely more of a power struggle than an instance of abusiveness. Your insights are spot-on about this important distinction between power struggles and abusiveness, and I thank you for sharing it.

I’m ashamed to admit that this conflict wasn’t resolved because I was the one who withdrew. I feel terrible about this, and keep intending to reach out and apologize to this person, but am inhibited by shame each time the consideration arises in my mind. Your response helps move me toward doing the right thing, so thanks for that too.

I appreciate the time and effort you spent in replying, and hope that you are living well.