Thank you so much for contributing this added nuance! I hadn’t heard about this form of narcissism until now, and find it to be a fascinating example of how narcissism can develop not just from trauma but also from idolization. The older I get, the more I realize how Freud was definitely onto something regarding the Oedipus complex (and his coke habit) by illustrating how mother-child-father conflicts affect psychological development.

I resonate really strongly with what you’ve described because I come from a very similar position of being idolized by my other in unconscious reaction to her husband’s narcissism… my new dad (a man I met and became close to after releasing my biological father) asked me whether I thought that my mom projected onto me all the things she doesn’t get from her husband… hearing this forever shifted my perception of self/other because I realized it was true, and I hadn’t realized how much my mother’s idolizing was hurting me. I resolved my Oedipus complex by recognizing and feeling lack in my mother, which was both devastating and very cathartic.

It’s really interesting and thrilling to know that this toxic mothering process has been identified and described elsewhere; I appreciate you sharing this, and look forward to learning more about it!