Some of my family members refuse to talk to me because they are afraid that I will become too upset. This reasoning is my father’s creation that was born after I dared acknowledge and attempt to have a conversation with him about things he had said and done that had really hurt me. This reasoning has since spread like wildfire between different family members who now avoid talking to me because they don’t want to upset me.
For a while I accepted this reasoning with shame and embarrassment; I never knew what to say in response because hearing it feels like being punched in the gut and face at the same time. It feels like my fault for being too emotional, and that the reason why we’re distant and never talk is because I am too sensitive and get too upset. I realize now that this is a type of sexist bullshit that uses my emotionality to place full blame on me for being “too emotional” and positions them as benevolent and innocent beings who just “don’t want to upset me.”
I know that my family does not want to hurt me, but the problem is that they do, and whenever I try to talk with them about this then they say and do really hurtful things again in response, and then when I become devastatedly upset again they use this as evidence to support the claim that I get upset whenever we try to talk. This is a very toxic and nonconsensual mindfuck that I have opted out…
