I think a big part of the healing involves trusting that you are not at fault, and that you probably didn’t communicate your anger to her because she exploited your fight/flight/freeze response by scaring you. This doesn’t make you weak, and nor does it mean you should hate yourself for not having expressed this anger.

I think another big part of the healing is emoting all that you feel in regard to this — even if it’s not directed toward her, it is still important to let it out. Once you get through the anger you will probably find grief that should be emoted in the form of tears. Connect with yourself and realize that no matter how awful she was, there still remains parts of you that she has not touched — and it is these parts that can guide your movement toward healing.

Also be sure you have strong boundaries with her; no contact is best, but if you have to engage then do so with only the absolute minimum amount of energy. Healing takes a long time, and during it we have to protect ourselves from further harm while also acknowledging the harm we have already been subjected to. I also recommend self-help books about healing from trauma, especially the work of Pete Walker.

Best of luck to you in your healing journey, you are not alone in it.