I am glad you feel seen by this as a victim, and think it’s also great that you can see yourself through the eyes of an abuser as well. I definitely participated in abusiveness in my past, and with healing have become better and not bitter. Defensiveness happens when we’re being threatened, and even though abusers are wrong for acting as they do, they don’t believe this, and thus respond to provocation like anyone else would… but in this case the provocation is an act of justice, and the abuser must be held accountable for their behaviors even if no change comes from it. Being able to see both sides of abuse as victim and perpetrator is powerful, and I’m happy this helps you feel seen.