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I have been in a number of abusive relationships and have learned a lot from them. It was not until a particularly traumatic breakup that I began to think critically about why I had been manifesting the same kinds of relationships, and it is not until recently that I have started to notice significant improvements to the overall quality of my relationships. Most of what I’ve learned has been about standing up for myself, and standing up for myself has primarily involved learning how to identify and address abusive behaviors. I will share what I have learned with the hope that it helps you as well.
I first want to present two maxims that have guided my a lot of my success in learning how to navigate abusive behaviors. The first one is:
An abusive person will never admit to being abusive.
This is in my opinion the most important notion to keep in mind when engaging with abusive behaviors. Those who most adamantly deny being abusive are likely to be those who commit the most egregious types of abuse. An abusive person will do everything within their power to undermine your concerns, and it is through this defensive reaction that abusers also call their bluff.
Abusers feel justified in their behavior, and there is no point in trying to get them to see the error of…
